at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
