You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
