I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
