So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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