Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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