Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
