Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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