do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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