I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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