My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
