I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
