How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
