I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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