About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
