My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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