i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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