highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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