also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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