Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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