I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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