The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
