I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
