oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
