32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
