YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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