So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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