yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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