theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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