There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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