I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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