K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dignity is for republicans.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize