she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
