He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
