he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
