totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
