the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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