and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
