They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
