Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
