Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
