I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
