what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
