I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
