you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
