I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
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