Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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