you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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