Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
