a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Randomize
