This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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