I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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