And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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