I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
