Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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