so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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