Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
