I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
