hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
