I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
