you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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