this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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