If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
