3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
