I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
