i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
