I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
