I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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