It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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