sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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