i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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