i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
