Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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