is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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