just come out here and I will go home with you...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
