Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
