I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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