the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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