I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
