Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
