i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
