He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
