fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
