ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
