one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
jump out the window naked night went bad
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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