I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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