Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The beers last night were like the tears from god
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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