the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
