I wish my penis had an off switch
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
