Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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