he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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