I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
