somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
